Do You Feel Like You’re Just Going Through the Motions?
Lately, I’ve noticed a common thread among the clients I see—whether they're coming in for anxiety, trauma, or life transitions, many say a version of the same thing: “I just want to feel more present in my life.” It's said quietly, sometimes hesitantly, like an afterthought at the end of listing symptoms or stressors. But it lands with weight. There’s often a pause, a glance inward, and then a deeper sigh, as if to say: Something important has been missing.
What does it mean to “feel present”? It's easy to dismiss it as mindfulness jargon or vague therapist talk. But the longing is real. Being present is about more than sitting still and breathing deeply (although that’s not a bad place to start). It’s about inhabiting your own life and feeling connected to what you’re doing, aligned with your values, and emotionally awake to your relationships and surroundings.
So why do so many of us feel like we’re just going through the motions?
The Disconnected Life
There are a few patterns I’ve observed in therapy that may help explain this experience. Often, the feeling of disconnection is tied to one of three things:
Living in the Future – Worrying, planning, anticipating. For many clients, especially those struggling with anxiety, the mind is constantly scanning for threats. “What if this happens?” “What if I mess up?” They’re living in a future that hasn't happened yet, and life starts to feel more like risk management than living.
Reliving the Past – Ruminating, regretting, replaying. Those who’ve experienced trauma or chronic shame often feel haunted by things that happened long ago. It’s like trying to drive while staring in the rearview mirror. The present becomes foggy because so much energy is caught up in old pain.
Losing Yourself in Busyness – Numbing, distracting, over-functioning. Some clients are constantly doing, achieving, helping others until they realize they haven’t actually felt anything real in weeks. It’s not uncommon to hear, “My days are packed, but I still feel empty.” Sometimes the pace of life becomes a shield against discomfort, but it also blocks joy and connection.
Each of these can make life feel like a blur, a checklist, or a treadmill. You might be doing all the “right” things like working hard, staying busy, and keeping up with responsibilities but still feel like you’re missing something essential.
The Courage to Reconnect
If you’re resonating with this, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. Many of us have been shaped by environments or experiences that taught us to disconnect in order to survive. But survival is different from thriving.
In therapy, one of the most meaningful things we can do is help you reclaim presence, not by forcing it, but by gently making space for it. That might mean practicing mindfulness, yes, but it can also mean telling the truth about what you want, grieving what you’ve lost, or even slowing down enough to notice the small things again. The warmth of a pet on your lap. The satisfaction of a real conversation. The music you used to love before life got too loud.
Sometimes, in Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), clients find themselves reconnecting with presence in surprising ways. After processing a trauma or stuck belief, they might say, “It’s like I’m seeing things in color again.” That’s not just a poetic metaphor, it’s a shift in nervous system state, in felt aliveness, in access to emotion and meaning.
Feeling present doesn’t mean you’ll never worry or get distracted again. It means you’ll be more anchored, more aware of what’s happening now, and more able to respond rather than react. You’ll start to notice when you’re checked out and know how to come back to yourself with compassion.
Questions to Reflect On
If this speaks to you, here are a few questions you might explore in your own time or in therapy:
What parts of your life feel real and alive right now?
What moments recently made you feel connected, even briefly?
Where do you notice yourself going “numb” or zoning out?
Are you more often pulled toward the past or the future?
What values feel important but underrepresented in your current life?
When you imagine being more present, what would that actually look like?
These questions aren’t meant to have quick answers. They’re invitations. And sometimes, just the act of asking them starts to move things forward.
You Deserve to Be Here
You’re not meant to sleepwalk through your own story. You deserve to feel the richness of your life not just the demands. Therapy can be a place to remember how to do that. Whether through talking, mindfulness, or deeper trauma work like ART, there are ways to reconnect.
Because your presence is the most powerful thing you bring to your relationships, your work, and your own healing. You don’t need to earn it or prove it. You just need to return to it.
