Anger: Is it Me, My Trauma, or the World?
Everyone feels angry sometimes. You know the feeling—your heart races, your jaw tightens, and you might even say things you regret later. But have you ever stopped and wondered, "Is this anger really about what's happening right now, or is it something deeper?"
Where Does Our Anger Really Come From?
Often, anger can seem to flare up from nowhere. Maybe a small inconvenience at work sets you off, or someone says something minor, and suddenly you’re feeling furious. At these moments, you might think: "Is it me? Is it my past? Or is it just that the world can be incredibly frustrating?"
The truth is, it's probably a mix of all three. Anger can be a healthy, natural reaction to unfairness or disrespect. But sometimes, our anger can also be fueled by past experiences—especially if we've been through trauma. Past hurts have a sneaky way of resurfacing, making today's annoyances feel much more intense.
How Trauma Sneaks Into Anger
Imagine anger like an iceberg. Above the surface, there's the immediate trigger—the thing that made you upset today. But below the surface, hidden from view, might be old wounds, unmet needs, and unresolved pain from your past. When trauma sits below the surface, even minor frustrations can trigger intense, disproportionate reactions.
I've worked with many clients who've experienced trauma and noticed how easily old feelings of hurt, abandonment, or betrayal can spark anger in the present. Recognizing this pattern is a crucial first step toward managing it.
Making Sense of Your Anger
The good news is that anger doesn’t have to control you. Understanding its roots can help you manage it better. When you start to notice your anger rising, pause and ask yourself a few questions:
"What's really bothering me right now?"
"Does this remind me of something painful from my past?"
"Am I feeling threatened, unheard, or disrespected?"
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can be a powerful tool to help you unpack the layers of your anger. Techniques like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) can be particularly helpful because they allow you to gently explore and resolve the deeper, unresolved issues behind your anger without feeling overwhelmed.
Clients often tell me they're surprised by how quickly their anger feels more manageable once they start to understand what's truly underneath it. Therapy can give you the space and guidance to safely explore your past, identify your triggers, and find new, healthier ways to respond when anger arises.
Moving Forward with Greater Calm
The goal isn't to erase anger completely—after all, anger can be a useful signal that something in our lives needs attention or change. Instead, the aim is to better understand your anger, so it doesn't feel out of control or disproportionate.
With greater awareness and self-compassion, you can experience less frustration and build healthier relationships. Anger doesn't have to be something you fear or dread; instead, it can become a valuable guide on your journey toward healing and self-understanding.
So the next time anger arises, pause for a moment, breathe, and gently ask yourself, "Is this me, my trauma, or the world?" You might find the answer opens the door to a deeper understanding—and a calmer, more peaceful you.
